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I once believed that introduction to Facebook was one the most epoch-making events in my life. I was finally in touch with friends who were once so dear to me but had lost track off. I could now be in touch with them and other people easily without drafting a mail or calling…posting on the wall was enough!! The world was perfect; I had reached an equilibrium between my social side that wanted to keep in touch and my lazy side that had issues with making too much of an effort, thanks to Social Networking. “Like” was the key to liking life…..life was perfect! But in the words of Yogi Berra “If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.”

And then came the relatives…….

Now on any normal day, most people would concede that relatives are one of the more irritating fractions of their lives, considering the fact that most of the time we are also relatives to someone and might be part of the irritating fractions. (Self-Introspection is good and helps us develop into…whatever it is Dr Phil thinks we should develop into!) Anyway since the relatives’ piece is always dicey, I stay away as much as possible, especially considering they are my relatives. Now I know you are all raising your eyebrows and nodding your heads and are ready to contest with the wildest story about the most asinine relation you have. However I win hands down…you will just have to believe me (not like you have a choice considering I own the site) and take it from me literally that when I say I have a real bad case of relatives, I do!!

After haunting me through my childhood and young adult years, they suddenly in masses decided to invade my cyberspace. I was getting request from that cousin and this aunt and that uncle……the works. Woebegone if I decided to refuse (not that I could refuse, so I pended all unpleasant friend requests), there would be calls from the East to my mother who is in North, who would then call me in the West and ask me why was I being rude to the FAMILY. (Yup! She is a bit of a cookie herself; but years with my father have made her saner; though she breaks out now and then!) There would be no way to explain to her that I was not rude and I had not refused and really, I needed some space! The second stage of the ordeal, after becoming friends with me would be to get curious about me. I live more than 2800 km from them and thank powers greater than me for this miracle; if they can go crazy on a virtual social networking site, then imagine what they can do in circumstances where I am physically present. Every photograph is peered into with comments like “Who is that guy?” or “What are you drinking?” or better yet “You are clubbing again!!!” This is absolutely nothing compared to the phone calls my mother would get from the FAMILY about how these days I am partying everyday (cause somebody tagged me on some clubbing pictures) or the Guy in the photograph does not look good enough to belong to the FAMILY (For Christ sake! He is a friend and is already married/engaged/gay!) My mother would with her streak of cookieness call me and well you know what happens when mothers and daughter’s collide. It’s apocalypse times 4! Then comes the last and joyous part of embarrassing me in public “You have put on so much of weight! This is your father’s family genes taking over!” (Duh! I have always been what I would like to term as “Pleasantly plump” and this fact is not an earth shattering revelation for them to proclaim with such suprise and at least I am “pleasant”) Or better yet “Your sister looks much better!” I love my sister and she is gorgeous! But why do you have to  compare and contrast on a public page for the world too see?  My favourite of course is any photo with a restaurant ambience would without fail merit a comment in the lines of “Eating again?! Living live King size are we not! Have you seen the mirror lately?”

Now I defy you to come up with more nastier and embarrassing examples.

Net result is that I have really really given up social networking. There is indeed a silver lining to everything and enlightenment came as I discovered that as I move away from FB and such sites –

  1. I am mailing a lot more again and reading mails and receiving them is a pleasure which I had forgotten
  2. I have started calling people over the phone a lot more and the human touch is always special
  3. I opened an account anonymously on another site and it’s fun to be free of all social imposed restrictions and standards
  4. I do not have to spend a considerable time of life refusing My Calender and Farmville and Petville request
  5. Finally the FAMILY has no idea where or what am I up to and they are forced to call my mother who can only divulge what she knows and I make sure she knows only on a need to know basis

I still have an official Facebook page, which I still log in for the sake of keeping in touch with people who matter and generally check out the madness around me, but I really kick of my shoes and pull out all the stops in mails and the “Other” page of my life!!

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